You are watching: When does spencer get addicted to drugs pll
This is the episode where Aria suffers the LIFE TRAUMA of cutting her hair!This is the episode where Alison and Jason found out about their long lost sibling.
SPENCER HASTINGS NEEDS DRUGGGGZ. After consuming one teensy little pill last episode, our favourite junkie has fallen off the rails and she’s almost close to having another drug-induced black-and-white hallucination. Unfortunately, the rehabilitative effects of sleeping with her hot drug counsellor have worn off, so Spencer is back to popping dem magic pills like they are breath mints for her soul. *gulps down an entire bottle* GIMME MOAR POPPERS!
OMFG. Can you believe dis crackhead is at it again!? We’ve been down this road before! Bitch, hand in your sobriety chip and drag your ass over to rehab!
Without the influence of drugs, Spencer is already an overly caffeinated spastic mess. Put a few pills inside of her and she basically becomes a dysfunctional disaster. Bitch was all *sullen eyes* and *clattering teeth* and *trembling hands* and *scratching fingernails into eyeballs*. Lemme remind you this is how Spencer behaves after -ONE- pill, but it seems like all her crazy symptoms have kicked into high gear~~~
Spencer also has these insane flashbacks of her time in the dollhouse, usually triggered by the most random visual prompts. *sees reflection in the window* OMG FLASHBACK TIME! It’s hard to tell if the crazy shit that went down during the flashbacks really happened to Spencer, or if it’s simply because bitch crazy? Would you trust the memory of a drug addict who used to imagine her friends re-enacting a cheesy black-and-white movie?
In these flashbacks, Spencer is freaking out because she wakes up and suddenly finds her face, her hands, and her body covered in blood. She tries to play cute and acts like whose blood is this anyway, but those of us who paid attention in health classes know exactly where this bodily fluid came from. *knowing look*
Look, a girl doesn’t stop having her period just because she got abducted for three weeks! Spencer must have a particularly bad case of ~heavy flow~ with the stress from her abduction. Frankly, I’d be surprised if the pretty little liars even had a bucket to pee in, so I highly doubt A would have provided these girls with tampons and other feminine care products in their medicine cabinets.
Nonetheless, a bitchin’ period can still be pretty traumatizing stuff. Even Stephen King wrote a bestselling horror novel about it. You can almost understand why Spencer turned to drugs to suppress those flashbacks of her menstrual blood. Unfortunately, dis crackhead already smoked through her weed and she also butchered the relationship with her last drug dealer Andrew, so Spencer is desperate to get her grubby little paws on more narcotics.
Spencer: Hey Aria! U got any more of dem pills!? Huh? HUH HUH HUH? 😜😜😜Aria: Oh, I threw them all out… Are you okay? 😟Spencer: YEAHHH, YEAHHH, I’M FINNNNE. *starts catching imaginary stars with her hands*
As the old saying goes, one man’s trash is another man’s secret drug stash. At one point, Spencer becomes so delirious that she actually resorts to digging through Aria’s garbage just to find more drugs. *lmaoooo* DIS BITCH! Wow, you haven’t truly seen Spencer succumb to an all-time low until you’ve watched her rummaging for pills amongst piles of chicken bones and snot-covered tissues!
How much lower can she go? Soon, we’ll see this strung out junkie crawling through the streets, examining the sidewalk cracks, and diving into sewage drains in search for more drugs. I almost wanna puke thinking about it, but I’m afraid Spencer might jump at the opportunity and dig through my vomit as well! 😱
If you’re gonna stick your nasty hands into garbage bags, can you at least remember to wear gloves!?!? 😑 What would Toby say if he saw his girlfriend now? “Oh Spencer Hastings, you beautiful savage, but don’t touch me until you’ve used up this bar of soap and these three bottles of hand sanitizer…”
On the bright side, at least Spencer is being environmentally friendly in an unintentional way. She reminds me of those freegans who dig up garbage in the back alleys of supermarkets for discarded dinner boxes. Aria was being a wasteful wench throwing away a perfectly good bottle of prescription pills, so if anything Spencer deserves our admiration for learning how to ~*reuse*~ and ~*recycle*~.
It didn’t take long before Spencer gets hooked up with her next drug supplier. Meet Sabrina, a ditzy hippy-dippy stoner who started working at Ezra’s coffee shop recently. Her character is kinda adorable and mostly harmless, even though she’s obviously stoned out of her mind in every scene. She tries to play cute and goes like “I only smoke pot for medicinal purposes, hehehe! 😉” but bitch ain’t fooling nobody. Please take your imaginary migraines and your batch of marijuana cookies into the nearest rehab facility, thank you!
SIDEBAR: Did you know Sabrina’s actress is actually Troian’s bestie IRL? She pulled some strings to get her friend a part on the show, omg! Cool story, bruh!
Spencer: I was hoping maybe you could sell me something that would help me calm my nerves…Sabrina: Yeah, like a blueberry muffin? 😀Spencer: POT. Maybe some brownies. 😜
OMGLOL~ Spencer thinks this is Starbucks and she could just go up to the cashier to ask for a caramel macchiato with some pot on the side. Excuse me, miss! Please read the menu more carefully, but pot is not today’s afternoon special!
Sabrina: I can’t sell you anything… But I’m not opposed to sharing a little bit of mine. 😉 I’ll put together a little package for you to pick up tomorrow. 😉😉😉
Just to clarify, Sabrina is ethically opposed to *selling* drugs to a teenager, but she’s perfectly content with *giving* away free samples at her place of employment. Soon, we’ll see her rolling up joints and passing them around to all the customers. It’s on the house! Free weed with every order!
Afterwards, Sabrina thinks she’s in the PLL opening credits and pulls a *classic Aria* by putting an index finger over her mouth. Except the awkward camera angle makes it look like she’s picking her nose instead.
Sabrina: *singing along to a parody version of the theme song*Got a crack pipe~ Can you smoke it? Swear this gets you high~Better put it in your pocket~ Before you OD to the grave~If I gave you, then you won’t tell no cops what I sold~‘Cause two can keep a secret if both of them are stoned~
Ezra becomes very concerned when he discovers that his legitimate business establishment became the transaction point of a drug cartel. If Sabrina is one of his employees and she’s trafficking illegal substances to their customers, does that make him guilty by association and Ezra is inadvertently considered a criminal drug lord???
It turns out Ezra may like school girls but he’s not a big fan of the high school girls, so he gives a patronizing speech and discourages her drug use. Wahhh wahhh, drugs are bad! Wahhh wahhh, I’m suddenly pretending to be a moral adult with strong ethics and principles! Ugh, why do I always want Ezra to stfu even when he’s technically in the right? I wish he’d cut the moralizing BS, take a broom from the supply closet, and just chase this fucking junkie outta his store!
Spencer: *fucking snaps* I CAN’T SLEEP, OKAY!? MY MIND WON’T SHUT OFF! I JUST WANNA QUIET THE NOISE! I NEED TO QUIET THE NOISE!!!
Hilariously enough, Spencer ends up *owning* Ezra in this confrontation even though she’s technically the one who got caught red-handed doing an illegal drug deal in his store. Of course, Ezra immediately buckled like a little bitch as soon as Spencer raised her voice and yelled at him. Look at this fucking poseur pretending to be a bleeding heart liberal teacher who cares about his student’s well-being…except he doesn’t care nearly enough and just stands there like a marble statue as Spencer walks out the front door with a box of crystal meth. FUCK YOU EZRA.
Earlier in the episode, Ezra acted like a totes creeper when he tried to hit on Spencer and prey on yet another vulnerable teenage girl when her mommy isn’t around. I feel like I needed to blow on my rape whistle and scream out *STRANGER DANGER*.
Ezra: Are you alone? 😋Spencer: Yeah, my mom stepped out for a moment.Ezra: Ah. 😘 *immediately sits down next to Spencer and scoots over*
LOL. This mofo is soooo transparent. I bet he uses the exact same pick-up lines on all his underage customers. Are you alone, miss? Do you have any parents, chaperones, supervising adults, or authority figures that I need to know about before I sit down next to you?
Ezra: The police are gonna figure out who’s behind this. But you need to tell them what you know… Every little detail can help… *inquisitive glance*
At first, I thought Ezra cozied up to Spencer simply because he wanted some teenage coochie. Now, it becomes evident that he was trying to pry information to help with his shitty book deal once again. I swear, this bastard is RELENTLESS. Every episode, he’s either up Aria’s tits or up Spencer’s ass coaxing them for more info about their mysterious abduction. Tell me what you know… Tell me every little detail… *ugh* Ezra truly represents the worst in journalistic scum!!!
This episode, there was some weird unnecessary drama between Aria and her father that didn’t amount to anything. Just imagine a lot of *awkward dialogue* and *uncomfortable tension* in their scenes together. I guess Aria feels strange around her dad because she’s not used to seeing him in the past several seasons. You may think they live in the same house, but Byron is almost always out of town for the weekend, often in some remote city like Harrisburg or Scranton, doing exactly god knows what. Papa Montgomery has been so out of the loop in his daughter’s life that I don’t even know why he’s bothering to care now.
In the end, Aria finally opens up about her feelings and cries on her daddy’s shoulder, boo hoo hoo! After this scene, I have no doubts that Papa Montgomery thinks he completed his parenting quota for the year and we won’t see his character again for the rest of the season.
Aria: Dad, can I show you something? *gives him a photograph of her bedroom* My room in that place looked exactly like this. Except behind the window, there was a dirt wall. There was no closet behind this door. The room was locked at all times. There was no way for me to get out.
Hey Aria, you know what will help you consolidate your feelings? Instead of taking pictures, why don’t you just write down everything and send your manuscript directly to my publisher’s e-mail address? You know Ezra must be so pissed off that Aria is finally opening up, but she’s choosing to share her exclusive scoop with her absentee father instead of her desperate writer boyfriend. What the hell, I called dibs on your sob story first, Aria!!!
Inside the dollhouse, each pretty little liar was subjected to a different form of torture tactic. Poor Spencer got drenched completely in blood, while Aria acts like she’s as equally traumatized just because A forced her to style her hair differently. *ohnoes*
Not to take away anything from her pain and suffering, but I’m beginning to question whether Aria even got tortured or if she was actually pampered at a beauty salon instead. What’s next? Will we see Aria holding back tears because she’s forced to wear a nail polish colour that didn’t complement her outfit? Will A start threatening her with the deadly wrath of a hairbrush?
Aria: NO! I AM NOT UR DOLL!
Of course, Aria made life difficult for herself by rebelling against A and acting like she was too damn cool to dye her hair. No way, pink is not trendy this season! 😟 Meanwhile, poor Mona is screaming as she dunks her entire head into a scorching hot bucket of blonde bleach. Aria should consider herself lucky that all she had to do is put a stupid little pink streak in her hair. 💈
Next morning, Aria wakes up to discover that A had cut off her hair and issued a final warning: “DYE IT NOW OR LOSE IT ALL!” Even though only a few strands of her hair got snipped off, you’d think that bitch lost a finger or a body limb from the way she was overreacting. NO! MY HAIR IS SACRED!!! Truth be told, I think Aria might have preferred cutting off her toes over cutting off her gorgeous long locks if given the choice.
Personally, I believe she should have stuck to her convictions and accepted A’s bluff. Yeah, go ahead, shave it all off! If Britney Spears can rock the look, then so can you! I would pay good money to see Aria Montgomery strut around with her new shiny bald head. NO HURR, DON’T CURR~~~
I gotta laugh at Aria’s completely mortified reaction over getting a haircut from A, which didn’t even look half-bad. It’s hard to feel sorry for her trauma and pretend that Lucy Hale didn’t hire a team of professional hairstylists who spent at least 18 hours crafting and polishing her new camera-friendly haircut. I’m pretty sure I saw pictures of her stylish new do on the front pages of Just Jared and other celebrity blogs, so idk why dis bitch is trippin’. When PLL finally grows some balls and decides to hack off the entire right half of Aria’s hair, then we’ll talk!
I guess I missed the part of the episode where Aria is actually put through intense physical & psychological torture instead of getting a stylish makeover from A, which explains why she has a random PANIC ATTACK in the middle of the episode. When the door in the darkroom got jammed, Aria immediately melts the fuck down because she’s trapped in another dark confined space with no way out! Let’s be clear that A didn’t do anything to physical hurt her, yet the bitch was pounding her fists and scaling the walls for a desperate escape. WELP! WELP! WELP!
The door finally breaks open and Aria runs into the arms of her next designated love interest. Meet Clark, an aspiring photography student or whatever, but I won’t bother getting acquainted with yet another inconsequential new character that will do nothing to further the plot. 😑
Aria: Did you see who went in there before me?Clark: No. I was in the other room. But whoever it was put a wedge in the door. That’s why you got stuck.
Bitch, don’t play. Clark has got to be the only person in a ten-mile radius, yet this mofo is still pretending that he didn’t put the wedge in the door and locked her inside that darkroom. *lol so obvious* How long before he’s revealed to be one of A’s bajillion accomplices on a secret mission to sabotage the pretty little liars?
As soon as Clark flashes his pearly whites and talks photography p0rn with her, Aria ignores all warning signs about the guy and immediately becomes smitten with him. OH YAS, TALK ABOUT CAMERA FILTERS WITH ME SOME MOAR. 😍
While I do not look forward to watching another flop romance that will ultimately go nowhere, I gotta commend the pretty little liars for finally ditching those boring white boys and go for some boring black guys instead. After six seasons, PLL finally starts casting more than one black actor on the show and it’s about damn time. Hopefully this trend of interracial dating continues and we’ll see Spencer/Hanna get an upgrade in their boyfriends too~
This season, PLL is really trying to push the notion that *PHOTOGRAPHY* is the *ONE TRU PASSION* in *ARIA’S LYFE*. Her character is rarely seen without some type of heavy-handed photography motif by her side. Look, she’s holding a camera! Look, she’s using fancy photo editing software! Look, she’s developing pictures in the dark room!
These scenes are about as subtle as a sledgehammer and I’m surprised that Aria doesn’t just walk around with ten cameras dangling around her neck. Do you think the viewers noticed how much she loves photography yet, or should we include ten additional scenes where she’s adjusting the lenses in her camera???
Aria definitely benefited from her time in the dollhouse, because now she can pass off as a faux ~tortured artist~ who channels her angst and anxiety into her creative endeavours. Look at all her creepy photographs of dolls, omg so daunting, omg so emotionally vulnerable! She’s gonna be a successful photographer one day, not because her crappy pictures are any good, but because those art critics are gonna eat up her tragic backstory and apply their own profound interpretations onto her works.
Clark: Now that is a haunting image. I love how it’s framed off centre like that. You have a great eye! 😘
To be honest, Aria can put a thumb over the camera lens and she’d still be lauded as a photography genius because everyone is engrossed with her abduction story. THE DARKNESS IN MY PHOTOS REPRESENTS THE DARKNESS INSIDE MY SOUL. *rambunctious applause*
OH FUCK MY LIFE, MORE SARA HARVEY. How did this random nobody get featured in so many scenes every episode??? Poor Mona disappeared off the face of the earth since the season started, yet this scraggly scarecrow is constantly in our faces with her tired ass sob story. 😩
Let’s keep this part of the recap short & sweet since I ran out of things to say about her character. Basically, Sara is a crazy bitch who takes a lot of showers and climbs on top of houses to look at the sunset. *lolwtf* That’s when Mama Fields realized it might be dangerous to let a mentally unstable stranger live at her house, especially since it’ll be her responsibility if bitch rolls off the roof and goes lolsplat~ It still perplexes me why Sara is allowed to live here in the first place. They feed her, they bathe her, they even groom her. It’s almost like they picked up a stray animal off the streets and now they’re turning her into a domesticated household pet.
In the past 72 hours since meeting this complete stranger, Emily has developed a massive hero complex and declared herself as the legal guardian of Sara’s vagina. All bitch had to do was whine about her life while flouncing around in a tiny bathrobe, and Emily is already eating out of her palm. Mom, hurry up and sign her adoption papers! Don’t forget to add Sara’s name into our family will!
Emily: What about Sara!?!?Hanna: I don’t even know the girl. 😒
Exactly! Hanna’s truth tea deserves repeating: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE BITCH. May I implore Emily to run an investigative background check on Sara Harvey? Just type her name in any search engine and I bet the first result is gonna be a news headline that says: *Fraudulent Criminal Outlaw Posing As Missing Girl, Statewide Police Manhunt In Alert*
Sara: I’m screwed up, Emily. I know it, your mom knows it, and you do too. She’s right. I do belong in therapy, but it’s not what I wanna be doing right now.Emily: What do you wanna do?Sara: Simple things. Take a walk on the beach. Swim in the ocean. I can’t get back the time I lost, but I don’t wanna waste any more of it sitting in a room having someone analyze me.
I love how Sara says that last line even though we’re literally watching a scene with her sitting in a room being analyzed by Emily. *lol irony* You heard the bitch, let’s stop wasting time with this storyline! If Sara is gonna be unmasked as the evil shady bitch that we know she is, can we hurry along the process and get to the good juicy scenes already???
Did anyone notice how Sara deliberately mentioned that she wants to go swimming? Bitch obviously did her homework and read Emily’s cast bio before arriving as a love interest. The two of us have the same hobby! That means we must be romantically compatible!
Emily & Sara have a romantic first date as they go swimming during the night. It kinda bothered me because *swimming pools* are supposed to be Paige’s thing, y’know? These sacred waters are where she first met Emily, where she first developed feelings for Emily, and where she first drowned Emily. This special place BELONGS to Paily. Who does that counterfeit bitch Sara thinks she is, stealing other people’s romantic moments and hijacking into our sweet Paily memories? This pool ain’t big enough for three swimming lesbians! Fuck off, Sara!
Don’t lie, how many of you totally thought Sara was gonna drown Emily in this scene? *lol* Six seasons later, every PLL fan is still a little traumatized by swimming pools, which goes to show you that Psycho Paige’s legacy lives on forever~~~
OMG. I thought Emily and Sara were totally gonna share an ~*underwater first kiss*~ which would’ve been the type of cheesy yet cinematic scene that fits right into PLL’s wheelhouse. If it had happened, I assure you that your Twitter feeds and your Tumblr dashboards would be filled with 100+ gifs of this exact footage.
Unfortunately, Sara ruined the romantic moment for everybody when she couldn’t stay underwater for more than five seconds without gasping for air. *lol flop bitch* I wanna go swimming in the ocean with you, Emily! Oh never mind, I don’t even know how to swim lol~
Sara: I forgot what it’s like to swim. To feel weightless. You gave me that.Emily: I…I didn’t do anything…Sara: Nobody’s ever looked out for me before. 😘
Okay bitch, stop. Just stop it. Stop being fake, stop playing the victim, and stop with your phony attempts to connect with Emily on an emotional level. I dunno what your agenda is, but I can see right through your act. “Nobody ever looked out for me before?” Um bitch, your real friends set up a memorial website, joined a missing person support group, and poor Avery overdosed on drugs because she was so heartbroken over your loss! I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I’m now convinced this isn’t the real Sara Harvey introduced to us in Season 4. Bitch has gotta be either Bethany Young or some professional scam artist in the middle of an identity theft heist!
Since the abduction, the pretty little loved ones are feeling extra paranoid about the girls’ safety. I’m always by your side! I’ll never leave you alone again! However, actions speak louder than words and their so-called security measures are laughably ineffectual. “Send me a text when you’re going anywhere!” Aria’s father insists eagerly, “Then I’ll know you’re safe!”
Oh gee, thx a lot. The power of a single text message will surely prevent all the bad guys from ever abducting your daughter again.
Thank god for Caleb, who seems to be the only character to give a shit and makes an actual effort to protect the girls. He has taken on a full-time job as Hanna’s professional bodyguard, staying over at his girlfriend’s house every night, and keeping around-the-clock surveillance over her at all times. Let’s compare his actions to Ezra, who only clings onto Aria in order to pry information from her; and Toby, who only hangs out with Spencer so that he could bitch to her about Alison all day long. Um yeah, Caleb easily wins best boyfriend contest~~~
Hanna: Nothing is gonna happen with all those police camped outside…Caleb: There was a ten minute gap between the time the first squad car left and the other one showed up. A lot can happen in ten minutes. *stirs and stews* I’m gonna go talk to that cop. I wanna see if the other guy left early or if he showed up late.Hanna: Caleb, when my mom invited you to spend the night, she meant to sleep. 😟
Caleb thinks he’s guarding the White House and needs to obsessively pore over every miniscule security detail around the premises. Even when Hanna blatantly offers herself to him (i.e. “My mom invited you here so we can make babies together! Hint hint!”), he’s so preoccupied with the police surveillance that he doesn’t notice his girlfriend’s advances. It’s even funnier because Caleb is being SO ANAL and gets his panties tied up if he catches Police Officer A scratching his nose instead of keeping his hand on the gun holster. *a cop sneezes* ZOMG MAXIMUM SECURITY BREACH!!!
Caleb: Oh fyi, I put a tracker in your car lolz~ You’re welcome.Hanna. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Oh geez, Caleb must be hanging around Ezra too much and picked up a few of his creepy voyeuristic tendencies. Hanna might be worried now, but just wait until she finds out that Caleb also planted a tracking microchip inside her body while she was asleep. *lolz* In his defence, it was necessary for him to behave like a stalker because the pretty little liars were being messy bitches as usual, running around on their dumbass secret missions and refusing to share their silly secrets about A. Apparently, they can’t tell him about Charles DiLaurentis because it’ll put Sara’s life at risk, which *ugh dumbest reason ever*. Sara is a fucking saboteur who’s getting in the way and ruining EVERYTHING. Just let her die already!
When Hanna returns home, Caleb is just waiting for her at the kitchen, tapping his fingers on the table, and brooding over a cup of vodka. AND WHERE HAVE *YOU* BEEN, MISSY??? Okay gurl, don’t act like you haven’t planted five tracking devices within her brain, you know exactly where she has been and precisely when she had her last hiccup.
Hanna is fed up with her boyfriend constantly breathing down her neck. She can’t even go to the washroom alone without Caleb peering down the stall door to ensure there’s maximum security. *always stalking u*
Hanna: You feel like you have to protect me now, but your constant need to keep tabs on me is making me feel like I’m still in that bunker. And that is not what I need right now.
Ugh, I’m being suffocated! Ugh, I need more space! Ugh, I hate that I’ve such an attentive boyfriend who cares so much about protecting me from a crazed psycho killer! Can you believe Hanna is actually complaining because her boyfriend wants to look out for her safety? Does she prefer to be a sitting target that gets ambushed and attacked at every opportunity? Like wtf is wrong with her. I HATE BEING PROTECTED! I HATE FEELING SAFE! …and this is why we can’t have nice things in our life. 😩
Poor Caleb is in complete disbelief when Hanna throws a major bitch fit and throws him out of the house. In what universe is he considered the bad guy just for protecting his girlfriend from the evil bastard who’s trying to hurt her???
Just to make it official, Recap Everything is firmly on the side of #teamcaleb and #teamlogic. When will Hanna realize that her boyfriend is NOT the enemy here? I swear Caleb has the patience of a saint to put up with her bullshit. If she continues to treat him like shit, don’t be surprised if he suddenly packs a suitcase one day and boards a plane to California just like Paige did. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 😩
Ironically, Hanna is getting all worked up because her boyfriend put ONE tiny tracker in her car, yet this oblivious bitch doesn’t have a care in the world that A built an entire NETWORK of surveillance cameras, tracking devices, hidden microphones, and secret spies watching her every move across town. *lol* Like gurrrrl, reality check plz.
In this episode, Papa DiLaurentis dropped some massive truth bombs and finally admitted that Charles is his son. According to him, Charles was a very disturbed child that posed a great danger to the family. Kenneth basically gave up, ditched his own child at a mental asylum, and never looked back again.
Oh geez. Do real parents actually get to select which of their children they want to sacrifice, or is this a special tradition that only exists in the DiLaurentis clan? You’d think you can take your parents’ unconditional love for granted, but it turns out you’re lucky just to be guaranteed a permanent place in your own family. It’s almost like a competitive game show where some family members move on to the next round and others are eliminated from all blood ties.
Kenneth: Your mother wanted to tell you, but I thought we should wait until you got older. I wanted you to have a normal childhood without the distraction.Jason: Distraction!? Is that what you call your own son!?
You gotta wonder how many other children got deported just because they didn’t fit into Kenneth & Jessica’s image of the ideal American family. This baby cries too much! *abandons it at an orphanage* This kid is left-handed! *leaves behind in a shopping cart* They must have weeded out all the pesky distractions and put the faulty children into the reject pile until only Alison and Jason remain.
Jason: You lied and told me that Charlie wasn’t real!!!
Jason said that line with the earnestness of a wide-eyed child who just discovered Santa Claus doesn’t climb down the chimney and puts presents underneath the Christmas tree. You’d think a functioning adult might realize there’re no such things as an imaginary friend, but poor Jason is so gullible that he’ll believe anything you tell him. Since this is a time of honesty, we might as well break the bad news to Jason and let him know that dragons, fairies, genies, ogres and the monsters under his bed weren’t real either.
Jason: It was all a lie. One big disgusting lie. Would you be okay if your entire life you were told something that you saw with your own eyes wasn’t real? They made me doubt myself! I’ve always doubted myself!
Poor Jason was having such an ~*existential crisis*~ in this episode. He begins questioning everything in his existence because his puny brain cannot distinguish what’s real and what’s not. Charlie: real or not? Easter Bunny: real or not? Casper the Friendly Ghost: real or not? Did I see a living leprechaun with my own eyes or was that just a figment of my imagination!? I AM SO CONFUSED!!!
Life in the DiLaurentis household is so cutthroat, you guys! It’s like fighting in a battlefield against your own family members. Not only do you have to worry about your parents disowning you or burying you alive at any given moment, but even your own siblings are bloodthirsty and will show you no mercy. Alison already faced her first death threat before she turned a year old. Back then, Charles had tried to MURDER his baby sister by DROWNING her in the bathtub. *omgwtf*
HOLY SHIT, DIS MOTHERFUCKER IS CRAZY!!!!! Not just regular cray cray, but I’m talking about evil demonic baby-killing type of crazy. It’s really no surprise when you consider the gene pool and the genetic make-up. The demon seed was left stirring and stewing inside Jessica’s womb for nine whole months, that fucker never stood a chance to turn out normal.
Kenneth: When you were eleven months old, your mother was out in the garden with Jason. I put you in your crib to take a nap and then went outside to turn on the grill. When I came back, I heard you screaming. I ran upstairs and found you in the tub. The water was on. It was scalding hot and rising fast. Charles was just standing there, watching you slip under.
Remember when there was a time everybody thought Alison was the absolute pinnacle of evil? It turns out her petty insults and her bullying antics were considered child’s play compared to what her older brother is capable of~ Perhaps Charles was clairvoyant and foresaw that his sister will grow up to be an awful bully during high school, so he decided to do the world a favour and off the bitch before she could do harm. Kill the monster at its weakest stage!
Alison and Jason are still in catatonic shock after learning the news of their long lost brother. “We were so innocent back then…” Alison laments as she looks at an old childhood photo. And then we see the most hilariously botched up picture where Jason and Alison are awkwardly photoshopped side-by-side together. This scene was supposed to be so sad and so serious, but it completely took me out of the moment as soon as I saw this picture and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. *lmao*
The photoshop job was SO bad, you guys. It’s as if PLL asked the two actors to bring in a real childhood picture for the props department, so Mr. Van Acker brought his sophomore yearbook photo and Ms. Pieterse brought a photo taken at the MTV Teen Choice Awards from two years ago. This resulted in a ridiculously hokey picture where Jason and Alison aren’t even in the same hue of colour. No wonder they took away all the photos from the family album if this is the best material they can come up with lmao~
Alison convinced herself that Charles is DEAD DEAD DEAD just because daddy dearest told her so, and he would NEVER lie to her! Even though the pretty little liars believe that he must be A, it turns out Charles had actually killed himself at the age of sixteen from a drug overdose.
Hanna: He’s lying. No body, no grave, no proof.
Just to remind everyone, they had both a body AND a grave back when Alison was presumed to be dead, but this bitch is now skipping merrily across town. Honestly, it doesn’t matter if they find a corpse or a gravestone or an obituary or a death record, none of that so-called evidence means anything on this show. Let’s act like educated viewers and just drop the charade. We all know Charles DiLaurentis is still alive, this is a simple FACT.
See more: Why Is It Disrespectful To Wear A Hat Inside A Church, Why Is Wearing Hats Inside Disrespectful
The pretty little liars are trying to investigate Charles’ death, which takes them to a data storage facility. Fortunately, Detective Aria Montgomery uses her superpowers to find a needle in a haystack once again and she manages to locate Charles’ mental health records within ten seconds. Bitch is on a roll lately and developed an uncanny ability to find clues hidden in the most obscure places. Don’t be surprised if we see Aria on the news when she pinpoints the exact location of the missing Malaysian airplane!
Aria: Here’s his visitor log…there’s only two people on it. Alison’s mom and someone named Carol Ward?Emily: Carol is Alison’s great aunt. She can’t help us because she died when we were in the tenth grade.
Thank god the pretty little liars have an official Alison DiLaurentis historian in their group at times like these. It’s amazing that Emily memorized her lover’s family ancestry by heart and can fact-check any random Ali trivia at the top of her head. She also knows every cousin, uncle and aunt from both sides of Alison’s family, and can even tell you their names, their birthdays, and their places of birth. Hey, if you’re the president of Ali’s fan club, you gotta know this type of information!
In a flashback, Jason remembers visiting Aunt Carol’s house once before. It happened back in Season 3, after that time he fell down an elevator and was severely hospitalized. OMG, remember when Jason magically disappeared at the end of the episode, and the pretty little liars didn’t notice he left the hospital room even though he was still wearing his neck brace? *rofl* Now we know that Jason had left the hospital safely and this is where he went next! #SummerOfAnswers
Hilariously enough, Jason is seen with one arm in a sling and he still manages to drive a car to his aunt’s house all by himself. He must have used his left foot to turn the steering wheel instead. *lol*
Poor Jason is hobbling up the steps with a broken arm and foot, but his mom is hilariously devoid of human compassion and doesn’t let her injured son rest at Aunt Carol’s house. “But mom, my wounds are bleeding! I need to change my bandages…” NOPE, ENTRY DENIED! TURN AROUND, THE HOSPITAL IS ONLY AN HOUR’S DRIVE AWAY!
All of a sudden, you can hear a loud ruckus coming from the house and there’s obviously somebody else inside, but Jessica was still pretending like: “NOPE, THAT’S JUST THE WIND! *clang clang clatter clatter* I SAID THE WIND BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN THERE’S COMPANY AROUND!” 😠
lololol mama d was being so jokes in this scene hiding all dem secrets~ Unfortunately, Charles must have all the brains in the family and Jason is only left with the beauty, so this gullible fool just trotted away without questioning why his mom is such a shady bitch. Nothing suspicious happening here, tra la la~
The pretty little liars revisit Aunt Carol’s house in the middle of the night and discovers Charles’ gravestone buried there. Alison is still drinking her dad’s kool-aid and believes this confirms her brother is DEAD DEAD DEAD, but Hanna ain’t buying into that baloney sandwich!
Hanna: We’ve been down this road before. Every time A thinks we’re onto him he does something to throw us off track. This headstone is fake. Planted here by Charles to make us think he’s dead. 😏
My favourite part is how Hanna blatantly talks shit about Alison’s family right in front of her. At one point, Ali turned her head in seething outrage and goes like: “Excuse me, I’m standing right here!” but Hanna doesn’t stop her motor mouth and just continues talking smack. Yeah, I’ll insult you and your family straight to your face, that’s how I roll! *lol*
Hanna actually makes a very valid point about Charles being alive, but of course the bitch loses all credibility when she goes off her rocker and starts DIGGING UP CHARLES’ GRAVE!!! *lmfao* I know she was trying to win an argument here, but imagine how awkward it would have been if Hanna continued digging until she discovers a set of skeletal remains lolwhoops~
On one hand, it goes against all social etiquette to dig up somebody’s grave especially with their family members standing right there next to you. On the other hand, it’s getting really tiresome to watch these pretty little liars waffle back and forth on the issue: “omg idk if charles is rly dead or not!?!?!? 😮” ALRIGHT, HAND ME A SHOVEL! LET’S SETTLE THIS MATTER ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!